after all this time of uncertainty, after all the ups, downs, even lefts and rights, im ok.

im over it, and i feel better about everything... life, love, friendship, relationships, everything.

my outlook on life has gotten SO much greater in just these past 20 minutes, mostly because i finally let it go.  i let my feelings for her go and i just... feel this great burden lifted off of my shoulders.  i no longer have that heavy weight of uncertainty about her promiscuity crushing down on my back.

i don't care anymore.  i DO care, about someone else.

maybe this will work.  i hope i feel this way for a while.

she came here a stranger, but took something back with her.  she's taking a piece of me back with her when she leaves this place tomorrow.

after all the trying, all the attempts..... kirstie..... god she's beautiful.  just..... beautiful

and yet.... i have no one to talk to.  once again im alone in my emotions with no true friend to completely open up to.  oh my god, i cant get anything straight anyfuckingmore.  it just.... it hurt so bad when she said that.  so bad.... to be told that the one u love is getting with so many other ppl, and then she tells me she loves me.....

she tells me she loves me.  and.......

god, i just want it to all go away.

no, no u wont always be here for me.  u have no idea how hard i tried with u, how hard i wanted it to work.  SO many times i tried to talk to u again, hang out again, but u always had something else preoccupying ur time, and keeping u away from me.  after all that, how can i POSSIBLY believe ull always be there for me?  god, i dont even CARE anymore, and i wish i did.  after all the things we talked about, and all the things we said to each other, all the things we did together, the fact that u could just completely drop that boggles my mind.  u REALLY wanna be there for me?  u make the call, U make the effort, bcuz im honestly done, and i completely give up.  and im not even mad or anything (GOD do i have a reason to be mad, but im not), bcuz that's not the way i am.  i dont get mad at things like that, i dont get mad PERIOD and u KNOW that.  u know more about me than anyone else on this world, but im not even sure how much U know anymore.  iv changed so much, u dont even have any idea what i am anymore.  u have no idea who iv become, how iv grown..... and i honestly have no idea who u are either.

call me if u ever have time in that busy schedule of yours, i give up.

and plz call, if nothing else, to get to know me all over again